Stuck in the Dark
by Hookedonapirate
Summary: She sits with him while he's sleeping, comforts him, tells him her feelings and talks about their future. Captain Swan deleted scene set in 5x08 before Killian discovers that Emma's turned him into a Dark One. This is my contribution for the CS Storybook Volume 2 on Tumblr.


" _The future is nothing to be afraid of."_

That's what he'd said to her. That's what keeps her going. It's what keeps her fighting against the darkness. She'd been afraid of the future since she realized there could be one… _with him._ She'd been afraid of letting go. Afraid of losing the people she let creep into her confusing maze of a heart. And now she would do _anything_ to get to that future. The future that holds some of the most valuable treasures in life.

" _You're not ready to let go of the darkness,"_ they'd told her in Camelot.

Everyone thinks it's the lure of the darkness, the power, the unrestrained need to indulge on every impulse. Everyone thinks she's the Dark Swan, all powerful and fearless. But really, she's scared to death. Scared that her plan wouldn't work… scared that Killian will find out... scared that she won't get a future with him.

At the end of the day, she is still that scared little girl that craves a life she thinks she will never have. She's still Emma.

She still yearns for her pirate. She still loves him, needs and wants him with everything she has. She still cares for her family, her son, her friends. She will do anything to protect them. And she knows that when Killian finds out what she has done, he will never forgive her. She turned him into the one thing he hated most. She turned him into the Dark One.

The guilt eats away at her insides every second of the day. She drowns in it... let's it envelop her whole. And now she will have to face it all over again when she kills Zelena to get rid of the darkness.

Emma is torn.

It's two in the morning when she appears from a thick cloud of smoke. Her heart squeezes in her chest, and it's pounding so hard that she can hear it over the sound of the wood panels creaking underneath her feet. It's dark and she can feel the soft sway of the ocean as she steps closer. She swallows thickly and her hands are trembling.

Reaching the bed, she observes him, his face pale in the darkness of the night. He looks so quiet… so peaceful. She could watch him for eternity, just sleeping. His handsome features so calm and relaxed. Emma bites her bottom lip at the thought of touching him… just once. Her heart starts beating more rapidly as she reaches out to him, swiping her fingers through his hair. He's sleeping softly, his chest rising and falling in a slow rhythm as her hand slides down the side of his face, her thumb caressing his cheekbone ever so gently.

Emma misses the nights when they were settled in bed together, covered in blankets and wrapped up in each other's arms. She misses feeling his heart fluttering against her chest, his face burrowed in her hair, his warm lips pressed to her neck. She misses the way he'd whisper sweet nothings in her ear… the way their limbs would become tangled, skin against skin, no barriers between them. She craves it with every inch of her being as she peers down at him.

The bed dips a little as she sits next to him on the edge, gently taking his hand, trying to find the words.

"Killian…" she murmurs, smiling down at him, her eyes swelling up with unshed tears. She thinks about what to say to him. She thinks about the future and everything they can be together. "I know you can't hear me but I wanted to thank you. The house you picked out is perfect. And I'm so proud of you." She recalls the newspaper when he picked out the perfect home for them. And how perfect it was. "Who knew that you and I would end up planning a future that consisted of a house big enough for a family and plenty of bedrooms?" Emma looks down as she runs her hand down his chest, combing her fingers through his soft hair. "A home with a picturesque view of the harbor. It even has a white picket fence." Emma bites back a laugh at that. She never imagined she would live in a house with a white picket fence. "It's perfect."

There are many other things she'd never pictured herself doing. She never thought she'd become the Dark One, turning her boyfriend into one and now trying to keep him out of the dark about it. It's not easy though. Trying to keep him safe and protected when he'd do virtually anything to get to the truth. She can't let him find out that he's unable to be harmed though. She can't let him figure out that he's the Dark One. Everything would be ruined if he did. Their future would disappear. So she has to do everything in her power to keep him from unveiling the truth while keeping her distance. "I'm sorry…" she breathes softly. "I'm sorry that I had to put you through this. I'm sorry to make you worried. I'm sorry we can't be together right now. But it will all be over soon. I'll make sure of it. I'll make sure we still get our future."

The first thing Emma had done when she and the others got back to Storybrooke was purchase their home. It was the first step of securing their future. And even when he did not accept her on this ship she still gripped onto the hope that she could keep their future in tact. "Just imagine having a little boy or a girl and having to change their diapers. You getting frustrated trying to do that with one hand," Emma laughs. "But you'd find a way to make it work because you'll be the greatest father a kid could ask for," Emma whispered, caressing his thumb with hers. "Just picture seeing our kids off for their first day of school or at home running around the yard." A tear slides down her cheek, a smile spreading across her face at the thought. "Or imagine us getting married on the roof of Granny's," she lets out a small laugh and squeezes his hand, remembering in Camelot how she thought he was going to propose to her when he pulled out the ring. She may not have been ready then but she knew she would be someday.

Nevertheless, the ring is her symbol of hope. Knowing she has her pirate who loves her, keeps her going. It keeps her strong.

He never told her where the ring came from but she's sure it was his brother, Liam's. She is sure that knowing his brother is watching over him is what keeps him going. Even when he doesn't have his Swan with him. "You're brother would be so proud of the man you've become." She says it without a trace of doubt. "In fact he probably already knows. He's probably watching over you, smiling. And I will do everything to make sure he's always proud of you."

Emma feels more tears streaming down her face as she brings her free hand to his face again, caressing his cheek with the back of her fingers. "I feel so alone without you. I feel lost and stuck in the darkness. And I feel miserable because of what I've done to you. You could've had the chance to be with your brother, and I took that opportunity away from you. I'm so sorry… I just cannot imagine a life without you in it, Killian. I can't breathe without you. I realize how selfish that is, but knowing that we'll get past this… knowing that you love me is what keeps me going. It's what gets me through the darkness. You're my light, Killian. You and my family… our family," she murmurs, the words small and strangled. "Just know," Emma swallows thickly, struggling to get the words out, "that whatever happens… if my plan fails and you find out the truth… just know that… I will always love you."

With that said, her heart aching and her cheeks wet with tears, she leans down and presses a soft kiss to his mouth. She savors the taste and the feel of his soft lips against hers, she doesn't ever want to let him go. Then he lets out a small groan and starts to stir and she knows she has to. That's when she knows it's her cue to leave. "Goodbye for now, Killian," she whispers gently against his lips before reluctantly tearing herself away and unlatching her hand from his. She wipes her tears and stands up, vanishing into a whirl of smoke that dissipates into the air.

Killian starts to wake, slowly opening his eyes and sitting up. Lifting his fingers to his lips, a small smile pulls at his lips. He isn't sure what just happened but he knows that she was there. He can smell her scent and feel the tingle on his lips. Chills shoot up his spine, her touches still ghosting over his skin. He's not sure why she was there, but he's certain that he was wrong before. Emma is still in there, just encased in her dark exterior. He knew all along that she was his Swan, he just didn't want to admit it to himself. He thought it was just easier not accepting the truth. But now he can't deny it. The proof lingers on his lips.

Killian lays back down, feeling more content than he has in days, knowing without a doubt that she is still Emma.


End file.
